Transformative Resources: tabú's Mia Davis on Cultivating Healthy, Strong, and Meaningful Relationships
Mia Davis is the founder of tabú and host of the podcast Asking for Myself. She studied Product Design at Stanford University and joined the User Experience Team at Salesforce thereafter. Due to her personal experiences with sexual trauma and pelvic pain, she was inspired to apply her design background to create meaningful, approachable experiences for people to take control of the more “tabú” aspects of their overall wellbeing.
Mia is constantly thinking of new ways to democratize comprehensive sex, relationship, and mental health education for the masses and make it easier for all of us to advocate for ourselves in the bedroom and beyond. In her interview with Julia Gamolina, Mia talks about building the tools and resources for wellness in all parts of life, and her advice to…men!
JG: You have a really interesting foundation — you studied product design in the science & tech track at Stanford! Tell me how you chose this path, and what you were hoping to do in the world.
MD: Funnily enough, I actually entered college planning to major in chemical engineering. I had been introduced to the world of engineering as a high school student and was eager to solve problems at scale. I’m almost certain I used that exact expression in my college applications. The first quarter of my freshman year, I took an introductory seminar focused on product design and fell in love. I don’t have a physics brain and I had no background in art or design, but I was captivated by the opportunity to solve problems for real people in a super meaningful way.
This is where I learned about user-centered design and developed my passion for accessibility design in healthcare. I very quickly realized that my skills were better suited for digital product design and the rest is history. To specifically answer your question, I was hoping to learn about the intersection between human behavior and technology — how to leverage design for social good and build products that fill a need and contribute positively to society.
Tell me then about your career path that eventually led you to starting tabú.
Prior to tabú, I started my career as a UX Designer on the Community Cloud team at Salesforce, where I led design for the moderation and management experience of the platform. I had the incredible opportunity at Salesforce to design scalable enterprise products in a massive organization with a world-class design team. I also had the opportunity to travel and work with engineers from across the globe.
Salesforce provided an excellent foundation for my career, but I had always had the startup itch and had worked on a ton of different projects throughout college. I knew a smaller environment was ultimately the best fit for me, but I was also grateful to solve interesting, complex problems for real customers and learn from some amazing designers on my team. It also set me up to pursue freelance opportunities as I bootstrapped the business.
Mia speaking at the EmpowHer panel in New York. Courtesy Mia Davis.
Now tell me about tabú — why you started, how it has evolved over the years. What are you focused on these days?
I started thinking about the concept for tabú about a year after I graduated from college. It originated from a conversation with friends about the depiction of sex in the media and why there are never any awkward moments — no body farts, no condom fumbles, and no condoms period, no conversations — just hot and heavy banging against the walls until the characters end up in bed and wake up perfectly covered by the sheets expertly tucked underneath their armpits. Of course, there are much better media representations of and conversations about sex now, but at the time, the landscape was pretty rough.
I’m really proud to have been part of the sexual wellness space as it has evolved into a legitimized category, but we were definitely laughed off in the early days, especially living in Silicon Valley at the time. From a product perspective, we have evolved from our initial launch as an app to a multimedia platform that offers content, courses, and a direct connection to care providers, plus a SaaS platform for sex-positive professionals to grow their businesses!
This is fantastic work. You touched on this, but what have been the biggest challenges? How did you both manage through perceived disappointments or setbacks?
Many a challenge in founding a sexual wellness startup, that’s for sure! Some of the most difficult challenges have been on the personal front. I left my cushy tech job to pursue this business, so a lot has always been on the line for me. That financial pressure has been mentally taxing and it’s frustrating to see some startups take off after large rounds of funding while you’re still bootstrapping and struggling to make ends meet. Also, given the nature of the business, I have had to share more about myself on a public stage than I ever thought I would. That’s been super fun in the end and has led to tremendous self-growth, but it can also be scary and I’m still finding the balance in how much I want to share online or how willing I am to be the “face of the brand”—not because I am embarrassed, but honestly because social media can exhausting. It’s also introduced some less than comfortable conversations in my family, not only originally for leaving my job, but also for building a business that talks about sex.
As far as how I manage… years ago, when I first started tabú, I was lamenting my frustrations and disappointments to a friend. My friend on the other side of the phone told me to remember why I started the company and to think of that younger version of myself that needed what I was building. I’ve held on closely to my “why” and continue to stay motivated by all the people for whom tabú has been a powerful and transformative resource. I also try to keep my finger on the pulse of society and how things are changing so we can evolve accordingly as a business.
“My mission is to empower people with the tools they need to cultivate healthy, strong, and meaningful relationships, to build a life they love, and to experience shame-free pleasure while doing it.”
What have you also learned in the last six months?
I’ve learned how to accept help and let go of perfectionism. It’s still a work in progress, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve been embracing patience and am actively trying to be less self-critical.
What are you most excited about right now?
We recently launched Tabu Wellness, a platform and marketplace that connects consumers to the sex-positive care — think therapists, doulas, pelvic floor PTs, etc. — they deserve. For providers, we offer tools to market their services and expand their care offerings beyond one-to-one. We have always sought to point people in the direction of the support they need to thrive. On the consumer side, we ease the burden of finding high-quality, affirming, non-judgemental health care. On the flip side, we empower the incredible health and wellness practitioners who provide this care with avenues to prevent burnout, such as attracting their ideal clients, diversifying their income, and streamlining their online businesses. I am also launching a card game this spring to accompany the podcast and help people connect on a deeper level! Super excited about that as well.
Who are you admiring now and why?
My co-founder! I ended up bringing on my partner as my co-founder, a risky thing to do [laughs], and it has been amazing to work together. Not only are his technical skills complementary to mine, but his “soft skills” are also helping us level up the business. He is incredibly encouraging and wicked smart. It is truly an honor and a privilege to work with him and I appreciate the fresh perspective he brings to the company. It’s easy to have tunnel vision after years of chipping away at the same problem, so it has been fantastic to bring in some new energy!
Cover art for Asking for Myself podcast. Artwork by Leonor Carvalho.
What is the impact you’d like to have on the world? What is your core mission? And, what does success in that look like to you?
Oh, great questions! My mission is to empower people with the tools they need to cultivate healthy, strong, and meaningful relationships, to build a life they love, and to experience shame-free pleasure while doing it. I want people to go for what they want, respectfully, of course. Far too many of us do what’s expected of us, and while that may seem like the easier path, and in some ways, it might be easier, it ignores the negative impacts of suppressing our desires for more — more pleasure, more connection, more understanding, more fun! “More” looks different to everyone; it could mean more time with friends and family, more travel, or more opportunities at work. There is no wrong way to live, as long as you’re not hurting anyone in the pursuit of your desires.
Ultimately, I want people to experience less shame in all realms of their lives. Fear and shame have no place in our relationships, in our sex lives, or in our careers. Success to me looks like people understanding how their bodies work, advocating for themselves in every setting — health care, relationships, work — feeling comfortable and confident in their skin, having medically accurate, non-judgmental resources for support, and accessing holistic care. It also looks like more options for menstrual and reproductive health care and for women to be treated like human beings—across the globe, socioeconomic status, and race. This success certainly won’t be achieved alone, but it is what I am striving for.
“I would tell men to listen to the women around them, uplift them, and give them more money!”
Finally, what advice do you have for those starting their career? Would your advice be any different for women?
Your self-worth is not defined by your accolades, your success — perceived or “real” — or your work. To the extent that you can, work in environments that appreciate the full range of who you are. When that’s not possible, don’t take it personally and don’t let it diminish your worth. There’s always a lesson, but it’s not always worth your suffering. Don’t abandon yourself in the process of achieving your dreams. Pay attention to symptoms of burnout and rest when you need to. Take care of yourself. Speak positively to yourself. Say no when it doesn’t feel right or when you don’t have the energy or conviction to pull something off. A no today doesn’t necessarily mean a no tomorrow; listen to yourself. You don’t have to do it all at once. You also don’t have to do it alone.
Lastly, I would impress the importance of community and surrounding yourself with people who inspire you. Don’t treat relationships as transactional, but do make sure they are reciprocal. You got this! I would say this advice is universal regardless of gender, but I definitely want more women to feel empowered and confident in who they are and what they want, and Lord knows too many of us have crippling self-doubt and people pleasing tendencies. I would tell men to listen to the women around them, uplift them, and give them more money!